Truths

There are some elements of lie in every truth, if ever truths are spoken. How do you tell a truth from a lie, actions speak louder but then there is Hollywood. Oh well

Here is a truth. I cant lie when asked a question.

Its like the intonation of the sentence is a trigger to my brain to totally do away with the “they arent supposed to know that ” filter. The end result is i have true pieces of me left stuck in someone’s memory as a not so seriously ment tirade to a not so seriously asked question, then the same person has the gall to say i hold so much of me inside.

If the universe ever decides to map my life my joys my pains my labored struggles in this mass of heaving earth , i hope it places a star on ever smile i caused, a sun on every love i bore, a leaf, for every pain i caused and wind on every truth i told. I hope, though i bare my soul to so many un deserving nitwits with the desperate need to meet, connect to something real, because surely surely there has to be someone deserving of this awesomeness, that i shall not pass on to my next life with al these truths in solitary confinement.

Daily prompt solitary

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Symphony

You liked my song you said, the way the notes would curl out of my throat, whisper through you and beg the goosebumps to rise on your skin send whispers down your spine, making you whimper with suppressed need for me, for my touch on your soul and the burn of my love in your heart

You hurt me

So much and that was suprising because the hurt was the first tell tale sign that i had fallen, where i thought my pride was holding my spine up nose up am too cold hearted to feel the warmth you seem to radiate when we are together. I seem addicted to your touch and now that we are are not touching anymore the only symphony i hear in my head is the cracking of my cold heart.

Daily prompt:symphony

Release

I seek to avenge all these tiny cuts in my soul that bleed out my hopes and dreams in short spurts of foaming memory every time i have to think of all i havent achieved or all ‘they’ have achieved and the possibility of living my life drifting from work day to work day making another rich or happy or better or being nothing more than i am a body behind a desk infront of a computer

I want to walk on a silver shore and feel the warm sand between my toes or chase beautiful sunsets with my yatch or seek treasures long lost at sea i mean maybe i could be a pirate and never set foot on land again where all my expectations and everyone else’s is left buried in a shallow grave as my last heritage to my sea born daughters a reason to find their way back home

Daily post:- bury

Queenin’ on my scars

See here,  

Recently i started this journey that scared the heck out of me. 

I am living alone.  In my own house. Paying my own rent. 

And i looove itπŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

Am i still scared yes. Out of my mind.  

But our GOOD GOD just calmed my fear,  there i was standing  at the edge of the cliff my eyes closed,  my knees trembling, palms sweaty,  and He being as hilarious as He is,   just pushed me.  He made it so that it was impossible for me to stand there,  and keep thinking about how far the fall is how sharp the rocks  look at my feet,  how comfortable i was at the edge,  just standing there,  contemplating,  never really planning on jumping. 

I realize now,  how silly i was being,  claiming to love the Father yet scared of being His child,  truly,  in all senses of the word, thinking HE is like human beings who you  cant trust with keeping your cat company for a day,  let alone with your life. 

But am learning everyday. It is like i discover all these good and wonderful things about me that i didnt even know i am or i had .  I am learning patience,  and trust. And best of all Love for me,  my mistakes and my scars. 

Am queenin’ on my scars😊

LA LA LA land

Here goes my unadulterated  opinion of the greatest musical in the history of all musicals.

Love is a farce,  and all that you think love should be,  it isn’t.  Love is patient,  love is kind love is slowly loosing your mind,  love is death.  Because without death there can’t be love.

Love is open windows on rainy nights to let the thunder in,  love is pillow fights and burnt food and broken music records.  Love is all your beliefs brought  low because  beliefs never become reality.

Love is a musical you loved that didn’t end how you expected.

Word prints for Daily prompt: -farce

Kalmatuz II- silver monkey dies

..

“Noooo,!” Screams the blue monkey running on all fours towards the prone figure of the silver monkey.  She stops besides the body and takes his head on her hands,  daring him to breathe,  begging him to move.  Silver monkey opens his glazed over eyes and stares  at her,  she is crying wildly her screams echoing through the valley and bouncing back to her.  Silver monkey closes his eyes  the blood from his wound turning black as soon as it hits the ground,  the black spreading  all around them as if an ulcer,killing all the green from the grass.  Kalamatuz abhors murder. Any innocent blood dropped on the valley turns toxic,  killing everything on site. 

Blue monkey drops silver monkeys head and shuffles back,  moving away from the toxic blood,  her screams still loud and painful as if wrenched  from her very soul. She beats her chest and roars,  pulls the fur from her arms and head and dances around the silver monkey,  now thumping her chest now swinging on her fore arms. She keeps up this ritual for a while until all the life essence drains from silver monkey and the place where he once lay is nothing but charred earth and a lonely spear.

She drops next to the burnt earth,  exhausted,  her tears spent. She lies down staring at the spot where her brother once lay,  and with every breath she took,  her pain crystallized into anger then icy revenge,  she lay there until her heart froze over in her chest.

“I must go to father..” She whispered 

Dance

Your lies were music to me, God how I loved them, how I loved how I would float in clueless euphoria, my breath coming in gasps, you must have laughed, am sure, at my delighted giggle, every time the thrum of your voice settled on my skin and tainted me, how your eyes, so intent on mine would seem to glow, glow dark, light mine up, give me a temporary high, make my blood quicken, thick in my veins,

Your lies were music to me, and God did I dance, feet moving with your smooth words, hips swaying to your glibe tongue, heart lost to you, arms aching for you, even after I knew, even though I know, how the lyrics of the song hint at nothing. Are nothing. Still I dance

And

Even though the light might fall from the sky, drown the earth in eternal darkness,or the sea rises from its bed, and calls all her island children back home. And the sun swallows all its a thousand moons and the stars, drown  in the sea, 

And…the fury, the fiery fires buried in the earth will break forth and bury the sea, In simmering screams and steamy madness, then fire and water and stars and earth, rising back to the sky, creating a mountain of embers and heat and light, a slur to the sun saying look! I too am fire,  I too am heat! I too am light to your darkned face.

Eights

I should ask you though. When was the last time you saw the stars,  glittering in the horizon,  or when was the last time you played in the mud,  and ran naked in the rain,  or laughed at your bruised knee,  and hid your candy in your back pack there between your maths and history books and it stayed there forgotten until your hand,  searching for a pencil,  discovers gummy bears instead.  When was the last time you loved  a dress soo much,  and for the love of you,  you couldn’t take it off,  and you wore it to church and to play and to school on weekends and to birthday parties and you wore it till it couldn’t fit anymore and the hem was torn and the zipper broken but still you wore it until you come home from school one day and you couldn’t find the dress,  so you picked a pair of shorts and you loved it all the more.  

Tell me,  when last did you have a best friend,  who was truly loyally yours and you wear matching shoes to school,  and you like the same color and you share your lunch and you love each other so much you start to look alike and she sleeps over at yout place sometimes and you at hers and sometimes you pretend you are ballet dancers and when she makes you mad,  she cries too and she is fierce to anyone who hurts you and every time you go to sleep you sleep smiling knowing you will see her again tommorow.  When was the last time you danced on the road,  not caring who is watching or sung off key to your favourite songs,  when was the last time you were so un apologetically you,  that the world had no choice but to love you as you are. When was the last time you said fuck it,  am done worrying and going to lay all this at Gods feet?.  

Or the last time you had faith in others,  and not on your own sense of hubris or when you said sorry just so you can keep the peace or when you hugged someone just because well,  just because,  when was the last time you put your vanity aside and sought out the beauty in others?  Or you sat outside just to enjoy the suns warmth on your skin?  Or randomly waved at a stranger  like you are long lost friends?  When was the last time you forgave yourself for your perceived mistakes?  When was the last time you let that child in you come out and play,  when was the last time you loved eights,  all of them eights?